SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT SEEN SUPERMAN (2025)
In Superman, Clark faces a series of troubles brought upon him by Lex Luthor. In the movie Clark was inspired to heroics due to an incomplete message from his biological parents advising him to help his newly adopted world. Luthor undermines Superman publicly exposing the full message, indicating that Kal-El should be a tyrant upon the Earth. The full message also causes Clark to have his worldview fall apart causing Clark to doubt all that he stands for. Clark’s adoptive father, Jonathan, tells him the following to further inspire his son:
“Parents aren’t for tellin’ their children who they’re suppose to be. We are here to give y’all tools to help you make fools of yourselves all on your own. Your choices. Your actions. That’s what makes you who you are.”
Pa Kent’s message is especially instructive for co-parents in high conflict situations. In these high conflict cases, there is a total lack of trust between the co-parents. This lack of trust can quickly become a source of emotional strain for the parents and children alike. A co-parent in this situation may often wonder “what am I supposed to do” or react to how the other parent behaves with the children. In situations where there is not outright abuse or neglect, Pa Kent’s words take on additional weight. Our job as parents is not to make a perfect life for our children or to right every wrong. Rather, we are tasked with preparing our children for the world and giving them tools on how to succeed and cope with rigors of a cruel world. The co-parent isn’t there to make the other parent perfect; our job is to help the child deal with the stress of moving between the two houses and expectations. It’s to remind our children that they are loved and treasured no matter who the child is or what happens in his or her life.
So, the next time you left frustrated and feeling aggravated by your co-parent, remember Pa Kent’s advice. Your job isn’t to make the perfect life for your child. Your job is to give your child the tools to succeed in the world and love your child for being as super as they are.